By
Pacharo Felix Munthali
From Namitete in
Lilongwe comes a story of a woman who after having a happy life went into
absolute turbulent period that nearly cost her life. It’s a story of Ethel
Tayilesi.
For
Tayilesi a woman of nine children, as she looks back at her life, she sees hell
of a life. She realizes that a lot has happened and she still doesn’t believe
the change registered so far. Today she is a role model. “Miracles do happen,”
for umpteenth time she says.
But
how does her story begins?
Tick…tick….tick….
A Woman giving testimony
Before
the eve of 1999, she had a happy family. A caring husband who provided all
necessities at home, the future looked bright. Looking back with a smile
planted on her face, Tayilesi cleans her throat: “life was simple yet fruitful.
We looked forward to the bright future. And the future was really our hope. We
never expected any hiccup in the future…I mean an insurmountable one”
With
her eyes focusing on her fingers, she is subconsciously counting them. Then
abruptly, she mentions 1999. That’s the year. That’s the time mark – the
turning point in her life. For better or for worse…it’s still 1999.
It
all started with simplicity of Malaria-like feeling. Every time she goes to the
hospital she got Malaria treatment. In the course of frequenting the hospital,
they asked her to have tests for tuberculosis. When the results came out, she
was told – “you have Tuberculosis.”
As
if her heart is falling inside her with thud, she remembers how devastated she
was at the news. “It was in the morning, but I saw nothing but darkness…mind
you it was 1999…not today….,” she narrates giving this journalist a chance to
sip Thobwa that her Tiwoloke group of
women had prepared.
After
treatment, life returned to normal – though not very normal. Her husband was
bed ridded. Whatever money she made was going towards medication for her
husband. It was a tough ride.
“I
was able to go to the cultivating field and do all sorts of household
activities. My hope was restored,” she smiles.
But
that was short-lived. Another challenge emerged. Vicious cycle of challenges.
“My
body was not fine. I frequently had a fever. Then there was recurring diarrhea.
What’s happening? I asked myself. I have to go to the hospital again….”
Before
she even made that decision, she lost her husband in 2002. The death of the
family man meant death of her relationship with her late husband’s relatives.
Her business had collapsed. Her health was crumbling. All was almost shutting
down.
“I
went to the hospital for Voluntary Counseling and Testing. The results showed
that I was HIV positive,” she speaks on.
She
was at crossroad. In the wind of events, she resorted to beer drinking. Local
illicit beer, Kachasu became her companion. She was losing it. Between the
period of 2004 and 2006, drinking became her hobby. No business. Her children
were being taken care of by fellow elder children.
As
she narrates, tears well in her eyes. Shaking her head, she remembers how she
had tried to overdose herself with ARVs, only not to die. She recalls how she
had tried to hang herself, only to see her effort proving her wrong – the
branch to which the rope was tied only to breakdown.
She
stops narrating the story. She is sobbing…
“Everybody
here knows me. I was really hell of a person. But the coming in of the Tiwoloke
was key. While people go to South Africa for treatment, I went nowhere. I am
still here. And fine,” She speaks as amidst sobs.
She
talks of abnormal pains that developed at the time she drunk. She had thought
was just another pain. She slowly stopped drinking beer. But the pain never
stopped. “I had thought it would stop,” she looks outside the classroom in
which women and men of Tiwoloke meet.
Another
blow!
“The
results showed that I have cervix cancer. I saw death. But I told myself am a
survivor,” she smiles reluctantly.
It
was hopeless time. After being told of the condition, smelly body fluids were
oozing out of her body through the virginal area. She had to be given big
diapers from the hospital. When walking around big greens flies were all over
her.
“It
was tough. You stigma and discrimination,” she looks down.
She
remembers how, one day she got the visitors from Tiwoloke. They chatted. They
washed her clothes. Cooked for her. Shared stories. She too later on, shared
hers too.
“They
told me that one of the reasons why my condition is deteriorating was due to
loneliness. They told me of Tiwoloke. They told me that women who are HIV
positive come together once in a while and share stories. And they asked me to
join the group,” with a smile Tayilesi speaks.
Tiwoloke
is a Chichewa equivalent of Stepping Stones approach. Through the approach
Coalition of Women Living with HIV and AIDS in Malawi (COWLHA) is targeting
reduction of Intimate Partner Violence. Through the approach men and women come
together. They engage themselves in dialogue. But it’s not just dialogue: “it’s
about communicating issues of relevance to intimate partner violence,” says
Anne Banda the executive director of COWLHA. “She is one of many role models we
have helped to establish.”
Today
Tayilesi is a Role Model at Namitete. People know how she was when it came to beer
drinking. But people also know the transformation she has undergone. Her
personality underwent through Stepping Stone Surgery. Today she goes to various
forums and shares her story, encouraging those that are hopeless. Today, she
says she fine, she no longer feel any pain. While she regrets that one of her
children, a girl, got married in the course of her turbulent life, she believes
there is a reason to live. She is now
stepping to the future. She can’t leave any stone unturned. It’s now flipping
towards a new chapter.
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